Hi, my name is Joel Ingram.
This adventure has come about through my journey to be a better person, husband to my wife, dad to my 3 children, son to mum and dad, and live a life that when I leave this mortal realm, I will know the world has been better for me being in it.
So how did I get here?
Truth is it wasn’t planned, not by me anyway, I was lucky enough to find a kind, caring beautiful woman who loves me and I her.
Three children 12,11 and 4 years old, all very different characters, that make our house and lives busy and fun and full of love.
I am in the process of fulfilling a quest I started in 1999,
Since the age of eighteen I have been interested in ancient wisdom, spirituality, healing, alternative healing. I met a kindred spirit at my then employer who introduced me to another world of thinking and possibilities. He had left our employer 10 years previous, to pursue backpacking in Australia, living life and having experiences.
Luckily for me, he impacted my thinking, even though it doesn’t fit with mainstream, it was something I felt strongly enough about that being seen reading about it and talking to this person about it was more important then what people thought of me for doing it. Each to his own, I always found it curious how people would attack verbally, beliefs or things that didn’t quite fit their interpretation of the world.
He left a few years later. Disenchanted with the consumerism and materialisticness of the environment he was in. How brave to be able to leave a job that you know, doesn’t fit with you values and ideals.
In September 2004, I was over halfway through a course on Shiatsu. I was enjoying it and had visions of my own practice. Then I met my wife, I went a couple of times after we met, though my mind was never really on it after that. I quit, in pursuit of my wife to be.
In 2006, I enrolled on a spiritual course that led me to become aware of energy, intuition, auras and psychic abilities. The course was mind expanding and we all had our eyes well and truly opened by what we can do. The lady who ran the course told us of her sister who held healing evenings at her house, once a week free of charge. This spoke to me, at a deeper level and have never really forgotten. It is still there ticking away in the background and will present itself when the opportunity arises.
This led me into training in Indian Head Massage, Metamorphic Technique, and then into becoming a Reiki Master, with a with a local healer In Bridgend. She was a wonderful teacher, bright bubbly and a little bonkers, which is good.
We qualified in 2008, and started Aquarianholistics, we were a home based, and offered reiki, metamorphic ad Indian head massage. Just so happened we opened during ones of the toughest years on record for business. Within 18 months we closed, we were unable and unwilling to keep supplementing the business from our personal pot.
I doubled down on work, focussed on getting money in to get the numerous tasks around the house completed. To say we bought a money pit was a bit of an understatement. We did learn a valuable lesson though, never skip the full inspection by auditors before you buy your house.
I grew weary of dayshift the bitching and backstabbing, it really wasn’t a place I wanted to be I sought solace on nights. My wife was happy to let me do it as she knew I was happier on nights than days. During this period, I was temperamental, lack of sleep, is one of the greatest enemies of a healthy mind and body. My patience grew shorter with the children, they’re not listening or “naughty “behaviour, was a red flag to a bull.
My relationship with my eldest was deteriorating, and that scared the hell out of me. My behaviour was stressing everyone in the house out, and didn’t realise how bad things had got, my wife has always been quiet and never expressed what was on her mind, but I knew something was wrong, after being pressed by me, she finally broke down in tears, and said she couldn’t stand me being nights, or how I was when I was on them.
The first day back I approached my boss and filled her in. 2 weeks later I was back days. We discussed how bad it had got, and for my wife it was make or break, it scared me to think I could lose my wife and my family, it scared me further to think, my wife would have let it get this bad and not said something sooner. I expressed my concern, and we had a long discussion on the power of communication, and how our ability to get through problems, was completely dependent on us both feeling able to raise an issue. The reason she hadn’t said though was because she knew how much I enjoyed the shift.
I was now back days, and felt the need to try make up the shortfall in our money. We got a few things done, but nowhere near what we could have done with clarity about what we wanted and then putting a plan in place to focus on. I was stressed, dealing with people that made me unhappy, missed the children because of overtime. Was never present while I was home, thinking of the next thing, we had to pay for, how many hours I had to work for it.
The relationship with my eldest was growing worse, we have tried multiple things to try and interact differently with him, even looked at Autism, adhd, his hearing. I remember arguing one day, and getting to the point where I knew there would be no coming back. I took a deep breath and left his room.
Something changed that day, like I could physically feel it.
I had looked at the way we interacted with him before, however, to no avail, this time I didn’t focus on him. I focussed on me. What was I doing, that made him dig his heels in, made him want to rebel so vehemently that he would instantly defy what I had said.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Mr Bumble.
I am strict, according to my children. They have however admitted that they like that I am that way.
Their favourite teachers tend to be the ones which kept order and were strict too. I think it’s kind of a love hate thing. On a deeper level than they are aware, they desire the security that comes with someone being in control, guiding them, nurturing and leading them forward.
When I generally asked for something, it was to keep him or his brother and sister safe, or property or to contribute. It been a long time since I raised my voice like I used to. Sometimes things slip, and that’s ok too, I’m not perfect this is all work in progress and requires constant reflection, but without reflecting on events where you could maybe have handled things differently there is no opportunity to grow. For me, if I find myself becoming reactive, is too,
- Assess. Is this encounter going the way I want it to?
- Redirect. If no then, what response from me could help me to the outcome I want.
The key as I found it is consistency, it’s never too late to press pause.
My generation, well most of my friends my age, had an upbringing of listening to your parents, irrespective of what they were saying you just did it.
My father was old school, I recall apologising for something that I hadn’t done. It was easier to do that than try make him believe or put my view over.
The journey is not over yet. It never really ends, trying to shape them into people that possess good moral character. The world needs more people who are willing to do the right thing.
Fast forward to 2017 and I have completed my NLP Master Practitioner course. Something that I was compelled to do way back in 1999. It was not to be then, I can see why now, the path has been winding and long, but all my experiences in life and fatherhood give me a unique perspective on life, which would not have been able to comprehend back then.
Here I will share my thoughts, insights into my mindset and my communication with myself and others. Hopefully this in some way may inspire or guide you to try something different if what you are currently doing isn’t working.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you always get what you’ve always gotten.”